So much has happened this year already – how is it already March, and yet, how is it only just March? The news these days can be overwhelming and, at times, heart-wrenching. In these uncertain times, it is no wonder that we’re all experiencing such a wide range of emotions, from overwhelm, sadness, worry to anger, anxiety and fear. It’s easy to feel emotionally drained, like we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. As parents, we are juggling our own mental well-being and supporting our children through their confusion and worries. Many of us are finding it difficult to talk to our children about what is happening in the world, unsure of how to process or explain in a way that doesn’t add to their fears. The truth is, we are all in this together, please know you are not alone. It is challenging to balance your own emotions while also being the source of comfort for those around you. Some days the fear and anxiety can feel paralyzing. But I am here to say, it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings and admit it is hard. For me, I’ve given myself permission to feel all the emotions, to rest and recharge. Now, more than ever, is the time to take care of ourselves, our families, and our community.
This monthly article provides tips for families raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email triplep@first5scc.org.
Dear Yesenia,
I’m a single mom of 10-year-old and 12-year-old. With everything happening in the world right now, I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I’m not sure how to support them through all of this uncertainty. They’re quiet and seem anxious, but they don’t want to talk about it. How can I be there for them?
- Gabriela
Dear Gabriela,
I’m sure many parents can relate! The uncertainty about this time has left many children, teens, and adults feeling anxious, frustrated, scared, and even angry. Your children are probably trying to make sense of the uncertainty in their lives. This is a good time to provide support, even if it doesn’t seem like they want it. Here are some tips to try:
Take care of yourself. It’s like putting on your oxygen mask before helping others. Notice your own thoughts and feelings and take small breaks when you’re feeling stretched to your limits. Walk away from the stressful situation if you can. Take deep breaths, exercise, listen to music, or talk to someone supportive. Doing something you enjoy – even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time throughout the day – can help reduce your own stress and worries so that you the emotional energy to support your teens.
Let your children know you’re there for them. Some kids want to ask questions or talk about their feelings, while others need more time or encouragement before they’re ready to talk. And still others would rather express themselves through art, music, writing, cooking, playing games, or physical activity instead of talking. Even if your teens don’t want to have a deep discussion, acknowledge that with this uncertain time, it’s natural to have many thoughts and feelings. Let them know you’re available if they ever have questions or want to talk, then follow their lead.
Have casual conversations about their interests. Ask what they want to eat, or ask them to tell you about a video they watched or the latest game they’re playing. This shows you value their opinions and interests – and most importantly, it keeps the lines of communication open.
Provide support when they’re ready. If your child asks a question or wants to talk, give them your full attention. Listen and ask open-ended questions to find out what they already know and how they feel about it (“What have you heard?” or “How do you feel about that?”). Acknowledge and normalize their feelings (“It’s natural to be worried. A lot of people feel the same way.”). Then give them praise and encouragement to keep sharing what’s on their minds (“That’s a good question. I’m glad you asked it.”).
FINAL THOUGHTS: The best thing we can do for our families is take care of our physical and emotional well-being and support each other. If your children’s behaviors become more concerning (not sleeping or eating, more withdrawn or aggressive), reach out for additional support. Contact First 5 Santa Cruz at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org for Triple P parenting support or dial 211 (or text your zip code to 898-211) to find counseling and other resources.
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 2-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visithttp://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
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