At times, life can feel heavy—whether it's the weight of things happening in the world beyond our control, the stress of work and family responsibilities, or just the everyday pressures we all face. These moments can easily feel overwhelming and disrupt our peace of mind. I know I've experienced that sense of being stretched too thin. Yet, even amidst the chaos, the holiday season is a time to celebrate, connect, and embrace joy and hope. While it’s not always easy to tap into that holiday spirit when we’re feeling burnt out and stressed, it's important to remember that taking care of ourselves is one of the core principles of positive parenting. Now more than ever, nurturing our own well-being is essential for finding balance and truly enjoying the season.
This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world‐renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email me at triplep@first5scc.org.
Dear Yesenia,
I’m juggling a full-time job, my kids’ activities, and family obligations, and I always try to do as much as I can for everyone. I love being involved, but I often end up feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, especially around the holidays. With relatives visiting soon, I’m already starting to feel resentful of the extra demands on my time. What can I do to manage my stress and keep it from affecting my mood or ruining the holidays for my family?
‐ Paola
Dear Paola,
You’re not alone! This is a common issue in many families, and the holidays have a way of magnifying emotions so that even small things become a huge deal. Here are a few tips to try:
Notice the early signs of tension and stress in your body, before it affects your mood and behaviors. Common signs can include: Tense or stiff muscles, headaches, irritability or anger, tiredness, difficulty concentrating, feeling overwhelmed or unable to keep up, and an upset stomach.
Use relaxation strategies. When you’re feeling tense or stressed, try to relax your mind and body by breathing in slowly through your nose. When you’ve taken a full breath, pause for a moment, then breathe out slowly through your nose or mouth. Repeat these slow, deep breaths a few times. Or close your eyes for a few minutes and imagine a place that makes you feel peaceful and relaxed. It could be a forest, a meadow, the beach, a foreign country, or a dark room with no one around you. Use your imagination to see every color and hear every sound. Take deep breaths as you envision this peaceful place and imagine your stress leaving your body each time you exhale.
Use coping statements. In stressful situations, you might find yourself automatically thinking negative things about yourself, other people, or the situation that’s happening, which can add to your stress. Try telling yourself some coping statements or affirmations, such as: “I can do this. I’ve done it before. Just breathe deeply and relax. This situation won’t last forever.” Replacing unhelpful thoughts with positive ones can help keep your stress level from escalating.
Ask family members for their help. Have a discussion before the holidays about what celebrations your family will participate in, expectations (or limits) about gifts, how to share household or holiday‐related tasks, and how to share parenting duties with your partner or co‐ parent. Developing those agreements ahead of time can prevent minor issues from turning into major conflicts. Talk with your children about how they can be helpful during the holidays. Prepare them for possible changes in their daily routines, especially if you have guests staying with you. Let your children know which family rules can be flexible during the holidays, and which ones they’ll need to follow as usual.
Give yourself permission to say no. This can seem impossible for people who are natural‐born helpers and thrive when they’re busy. Yet it’s vitally important to take care of yourself so that you have the physical and emotional energy to keep going. Let go of any guilt or fear of missing out when you say no and notice how it feels to have fewer demands on your time.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Holidays are both joyful and stressful for all types of families. Take steps to minimize stress and give yourself peace of mind so that you and your family can create memories filled with love, joy, and laughter.
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 2-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
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